And no, I don’t mean that I had a future MIL that was a complete nightmare. My MIL is fantastic, and even more so after witnessing all of BARB’s heinous actions and words.
I can barely believe I’m even writing about this show right now. I had to have my arm twisted to watch, and had given up on the #BachelorNation once Jesse Palmer was on the show…. So, if you aren’t into the Bachelor (I get it!), this post is going to seem out of no where, but the points I want to make can hopefully reach you even without seeing it.
But, in case you care, undoubtedly all of my fellow watchers were on Team Madison (well, except me, but we will get there…) She’s gorgeous. She’s sweet. She’s got high standards. And, of course, she’s an Alabama girl so we all loved her. Towards the end of the show, they have what is called “fantasy suites”, which is exactly what it sounds like. Madison made a decision for herself way before the show that she was saving herself for marriage. She told Pilot Pete that she would have a hard time accepting an engagement from someone who just slept with two other women two days before. Seems fairly logical to me.
Then, enter Peter’s mom, BARB, obviously worst person on the show thus far. And that’s saying a lot. She hated that about Madison, and his whole family pretty much thought she was just being selfish.
Last night on the finale BARB said these words, “A relationship is about compromise, and when he compromised on one thing, she should have compromised on other things.”
We all knew what she’s talking about.
I about came out of my skin.
There’s a few things that shock people about me, after knowing me for a little while, and my personality. One, I hate Starbucks. I know I look like the most basic of basic white girls, but I don’t like or purchase Starbucks. Oh, pumpkin spice lattes are 100% a no go for me too.
Two, I have not one but TWO tattoos. Because I’m a pretty big rule follower (hello, enneagram 1s!) and I am not into piercings, people are often shocked by my tats.
Third, I was a Madison. I made a decision on my own free will (i.e. not forced by my parents) that I would save myself for my husband. And you know what? I have friends that did same thing. Through the high school years, it was a challenge with hormones raging wild everywhere, but luckily most places are chaperoned, etc. Then you get to college, and it gets even weirder and harder because everyone just assumes that everyone else is having sex too. There’s no more parents. No one watching you all the time. And then you get in relationships, and go on trips with friends, and it’s like really weird (and expensive) to get your own hotel room when all the other friends are staying with their boyfriends…
So, I slept in bed(s) with boys in college, but somehow still managed to resist. Actually, my college boyfriends didn’t really tempt me sexually, but that’s nether here nor there. 😉 However, I had one boyfriend in particular that was soooo hung up on the fact that I would not have sex with him, that he pulled out this famous song as a reference to what he thought was fair:
I’d start walking your way You’d start walking mine We’d meet in the middle ‘Neath that old Georgia pine
Y’all. When I heard BARB say that last night, this is ALL I could think about. I literally CANNOT stand this song now because of this stupid boy.
There are things in relationships that totally need to be compromised, and should be. You like Rap music, I like Country…let’s only listen to Rock when we are together. I don’t like when you whistle, but humming is cool. Okay, so I’m having trouble coming up with a lot right now, but we all know that compromise is a vital part of life, love and marriage.
However, things that should NOT be asked to be compromised are moral standards that you set for yourself. This is a huge red flag for any relationship—friend or lover. Whether that’s making a choice to not have sex before marriage, not drinking alcohol because of family history, being vegetarian—these are huge choices that we make personally that shouldn’t be swayed by another person, and especially not the BARBS out there.
Obviously, I kicked that dude to the curb, and never looked back. Because I was able to do it, and give my gift to someone who truly loved, respected, and appreciated it. And that was the most special day of my life. And we did not play any Diamond Rio at our wedding. 🙂
Fast forward, and now I’m raising a daughter in a culture of instant everything, beautiful feeds, fake bodies, and low moral standards. Honestly, it makes me want to cry thinking about what the world could be like when Gemma is 25. Although I have prayed she will make the same choice I did, it hasn’t really seemed like anyone was openly talking about a choice like that these days, so sometimes my hope was lost. And then comes Madison. She’s gorgeous, she’s funny, and I am so proud of her for standing strong in her choices for her whole life, and especially in the face of some serious pressure on national television. And, giving me a glimmer of hope that Gemma has a chance to make her own choice and might actually be able live up to it.
If she doesn’t? I’ll still love her all the same. If she does? I’ll still love her all the same.
Since last night, I just couldn’t stop thinking about how it could be possible for me as mother, to look at another young girl and ask her to compromise an important choice she made, for my own child’s sake. Let’s all vow as parents, right now, that we will not be a BARB to our children or anyone else’s children for that matter. Let’s hold our own children to high standards, and help others keep theirs.
Although I initially thought Madison could do better, and was Team Hannah Ann… now that Madi and Pilot Pete have decided to try to work it out, I can see (with TV eyes) that he does really respect her decisions, and she could be the best thing to ever happen to him. He even stood up to BARB after all the nasty things she said.
Madison, thank you for giving moms of girls hope that people still make vows to themselves an have the self-control to keep them. Whether it’s the decision to save sex for marriage, not eat meat, or never drink alcohol, we can all hope that whatever our kids believe in, they stand firm and are not persuaded or tempted by others to give that up. And so today, this BAMA Alum is saying “War Eagle” in solidarity. Fight on, sweet Madisons of the world, fight on.